I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
