Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
