I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
...so i touched it.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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