Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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