Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
