Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i will never coherently bang her
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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