dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
