I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
