Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
