Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
