Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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