it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
