I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
