last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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