gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
