Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize