"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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