Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
