so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
