Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
