He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
