I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
