if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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