who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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