If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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