Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
