im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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