i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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