I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
