I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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