I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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