why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
