You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
