I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize