I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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