if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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