So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he puts the penis in happiness.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
