Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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