So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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