i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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