im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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