chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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