Welp...herpes.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We got so high we made milksteak
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
