You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
