Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
