she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize