i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize