girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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