The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
