ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
