Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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