I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
