My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
