I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
