airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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