He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
