I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
