Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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