soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
