no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize