Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
