Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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