How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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