VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
