I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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