are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
