dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Randomize
