Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
