You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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