im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
