The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
