I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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