Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
