So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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