the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
