she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
