shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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