Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I will be naked everywhere
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
