Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
