I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
