Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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