when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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