where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
