I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tell her she can't have a vagina
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
