So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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