Me too!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
