i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
