I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
